i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
