True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
