i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize