I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
