your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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