Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
