You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
