I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
