if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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