i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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