just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
