My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she told me i tasted like america
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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