3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
