Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
