just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
