Duck Duck Cougar?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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