just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Im part way to drunk.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
