Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
