I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
