Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
