I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
