I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
