i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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