how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
