he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
