oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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