I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
