So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
