so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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