O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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