her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
