when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
