I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
