They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
