why didn't you poke me back
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
