Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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