No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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