but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
