So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
