I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
