First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she peed on how many people?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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