AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
