I faked an abortion last night.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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