Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
