My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
