i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
