she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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