Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
