this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
