now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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