Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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