Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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