i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
