Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
