dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
