their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
