I think im going to throw up on grandma
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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