How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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