Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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