This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
