the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
